I Am Definitely NOT a Charismatic.

karisma1

This is the wonderful reading of the day.

Romans 16
Personal Greetings
I commend to you our sister Phoebe, a deacon of the church in Cenchreae. I ask you to receive her in the Lord in a way worthy of his people and to give her any help she may need from you, for she has been the benefactor of many people, including me.  Greet Priscilla and Aquila, my co-workers in Christ Jesus. They risked their lives for me. Not only I but all the churches of the Gentiles are grateful to them.  Greet also the church that meets at their house.  Greet my dear friend Epenetus, who was the first convert to Christ in the province of Asia.  Greet Mary, who worked very hard for you.  Greet Andronicus and Junia, my fellow Jews who have been in prison with me. They are outstanding among the apostles, and they were in Christ before I was.  Greet Ampliatus, my dear friend in the Lord.  Greet Urbanus, our co-worker in Christ, and my dear friend Stachys.  Greet Apelles, whose fidelity to Christ has stood the test. Greet those who belong to the household of Aristobulus. Greet Herodion, my fellow Jew.

Greet those in the household of Narcissus who are in the Lord.  Greet Tryphena and Tryphosa, those women who work hard in the Lord.  Greet my dear friend Persis, another woman who has worked very hard in the Lord.  Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord, and his mother, who has been a mother to me, too.  Greet Asyncritus, Phlegon, Hermes, Patrobas, Hermas and the other brothers and sisters with them.  Greet Philologus, Julia, Nereus and his sister, and Olympas and all the Lord’s people who are with them.  Greet one another with a holy kiss.  All the churches of Christ send greetings.  I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.  For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people. Everyone has heard about your obedience, so I rejoice because of you; but I want you to be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil.

The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.  The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you.  Timothy, my co-worker, sends his greetings to you, as do Lucius, Jason and Sosipater, my fellow Jews.  I, Tertius, who wrote down this letter, greet you in the Lord. Gaius, whose hospitality I and the whole church here enjoy, sends you his greetings. Erastus, who is the city’s director of public works, and our brother Quartus send you their greetings.  Now to him who is able to establish you in accordance with my gospel, the message I proclaim about Jesus Christ, in keeping with the revelation of the mystery hidden for long ages past, but now revealed and made known through the prophetic writings by the command of the eternal God, so that all the Gentiles might come to the obedience that comes from faith— to the only wise God be glory forever through Jesus Christ! Amen.

~~~~~~~

Except on HOD retreat we were denied it ~ because a forged reading was put in its place ~ about rejection ~

Actually I think the above reading was far more relevent!

~~~~~~~

I just drove back from a weekends retreat at HOD.  When I arrived they announced it was a healing retreat.  Thats funny they never mentioned it previously ~ I hadn’t responded to the invitation because I couldn’t afford to go ~ so I just ignored the email but they absolutely never mentioned in any email that it was a ‘Healing’ retreat.  However then a kind lady emailed me and asked if everything was ok as they hadn’t heard from me,  I told her that I couldn’t afford it, she said my bill would all be covered by surplus funds.  So I went, only to be told upon arrival it was a ‘Healing’ retreat. :O/

~~~~~~~

Yeah right here we go again!

~~~~~~~

The talk I was asked to present went well, that’s because I wrote it inspired by my beloved ~ people GOT IT ~ because I tell the Truth from my experience ~ it was relevant and heart-felt and true to God.

~~~~~~~

I have a gift which shines out ~ its called honesty ~ people have used it against me ~ but I will never stop being True to God.  I have another gift.  It is personal confidence ~ because God made me exactly as I am ~ all of me ~ My good bits ~ my flawed bits ~ and the bits in between ~ he made my beautiful body too, however aching, ageing and scarred. He made me in my humanity and my divinity ~ And its All good. There is nothing to be ashamed of. There is nothing which is Sinful in my body ~ just beautiful God who is Love shining through ~ Jesus already died for Original sin.  Man might speak from mans perspective when he wrote the bible, however inspired by God. But I am not man.  The world is not the same way from a woman’s perspective, maybe ‘John’s’ Gospel is closest to my feminine heightened experience of Love.  Had women’s perspective been written at the time that the bible was collated, interspersed with man’s perspective ~ then you would have got a different bible altogether.  Thats why ‘John the Evangelist’s Gospel is so very special  to me!

~~~~~

(We never got to hear this beautiful reading about women in Christ) ~ because the reading chosen was prescribed ‘perfectly’ instead for my benefit, ~ and then the person that came up to me gave the ball-game away.  Not because she was careless ~ but because I am supernaturally tuned in to a Higher awareness.  I can see the friendships, the connections, the spider’s web, the directed conversations, the links, the priestly connections, the subjects, the ‘guardian friendships’ etc.

And do you know what really REALLY annoys me.  Patronising charismatic self-appointed side-kick of Evangelical preachers, who knows nothing about MY LIFE, or MY LOVE, or MY CONVERSION, or THE STRENGTH ~ DEEPNESS ~ GRACE AND GIANTNESS of MY INNER-LIFE, WHICH FRANKLY IS FAR CLOSER TO GOD THAN THEY WILL EVER KNOW, ~  AND ME SITTING THERE IN CURIOUSNESS AS TO HER UN-GENUINE ABILITY, LISTENING TO HER.  SHE WHO THOUGHT HERSELF HAD THE ABILITY AND POWER TO COME INTO MY LIFE, AND GIVE ME THE GIFT OF SPEAKING IN TONGUES, AND OF LISTENING TO HERSELF PRAYING OVER ME ASKING THE HOLY SPIRIT TO COME DOWN UPON ME IN PENTECOSTAL LOVE, TO ENHANCE ‘MY’ FAITH IN THE BAPTISM OF THE HOLY SPIRIT, IN A WAY GREATER THAN I’VE EVER KNOWN BEFORE. . . . .

C R A P.

I AM SO SORRY, HOW DARE THIS PRAYING CHARISMATIC YOUNG WOMAN BELIEVE SHE IS ANOINTED WITH THIS POWER OVER ME.  GOD ~ THE FATHER SON AND HOLY SPIRIT ALONE HAS THAT POWER.  AND HE HAS DONE HIS WORK ALREADY ~ WAY BEFORE.  MY FAITH IS STRONGER THAN ALL YOU PUT TOGETHER.  HUMAN ~ SAINT.   HOW DARE YOU TAKE ANY GLORY FOR BELIEVING THAT COMES THROUGH A PRAYER THAT YOU GIVE.   HOW DARE YOU PRESUME YOUR FAITH ABOVE MINE.  YOU ARE NOT PRIESTS.   I AM BLESSED BY GOD ALONE, AND IT MIGHT DO YOU ALL GOOD TO KNOW THAT MY FAITH IN GOD NEEDS NO INTERCESSION FROM ANYONE OTHER THAN THE SAINTS OR MY LOVED ONES!  YOU OUGHT TO BE PRAYING FOR YOURSELF  ‘CARER OF FREDDIE’. MAY GOD BLESS YOU, AND HEAL YOU, AND RESTORE YOU TO HUMILITY ~ AND MAY YOU LEARN SOMETHING FROM THE INTIMACY AND STRENGTH OF MY MYSTICAL RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD,  THAT IF YOU ‘CHARISMATIC-WOMAN’ REMOVE THE PLANKS FROM YOUR EYES, YOU MIGHT JUST LEARN FROM!

In the moment, during her praying, I genuinely offer the charismatic woman Kindness and Love and Faith, and I reflected that in prayer back on to her.  She gets it and I hug her and say thanks for your prayers, but her perceived failure hidden behind the pretence of some success is palpable.   One wonders how she will report back.  If.

I am naughty however ~ because as I was asked to repeat the patronising-charismatic faithful-woman’s prayer, line-for-line as she prayed it, without me even knowing what the hell it would be,  so too at the end of her every line, I added my own True response.

“I already have the Holy Spirits Love.”

“Jesus already is my Lover, Spouse, Husband, Rabonni, Father, Brother, Best friend, Companion etc.”

“God already blessed me FULLY at Pentecost”.

“The light already shines on my face”.

“My heart already is overflowing with HIS and MY Love”.

At the point that she asked me to repeat ‘Daddy Daddy Daddy’ over and over and over again, I just sat in prayer with my face radiating Him and gently told her that God calls me to pray other, quietly within ~ behind a closed-door ~ in deepest Communion with Him alone ~ in my temple ~ Not in inauthentic, forged, dramatic, on a street corner, hypocritical way,  tongues of fire like she wanted me to enact.

Dear God ~ she was only trying to help people ~ bless her.

WHAT A COMPLETE AND UTTER FASS ~ NO WONDER PEOPLE REJECT RELIGION. GOD IS IN THE MASS ~  NOT THE MASS HYSTERIA!

I Love the joy expressed in the worship for charismatic’s ~ but renewal ~ give me strength!

This kind of worship isn’t really me.

Renewal ~ Rubbish.

If one meets God truly in the first instance authentically ~ one doesn’t need renewal!!!!!

Please feel free to circulate this post far and wide.

Don’t get me wrong, I Am very grateful for the beautiful Micklepage week ~ THANK YOU and for the beautiful House of the Open Door free weekend.  Both settings and properties were idyllic. The hospitality was second to none.  The being at HOD, in such Beloved maternal company (when usually I Am the maternal one) touched me deeply in a place where my wounds were purposefully opened against my wish, afresh, before others.  The sisterly hugs, the privately squeezing and holding my hand in poignant moments, the motherly stroking of my back, the witnessing my pain in tears that refuse to lie. Even when you don’t think I know, that you know, and you meeting me right there, so that you can offer me ‘welcome’ to try to restore what has been broken, was both kind, and full of genuine Love and compassion.

But God has put me in a High place where I can look down upon everything that you are doing ~ just like looking at the view from Lincoln Cathedral, and being able to see for over 40 distant miles ~ I can see it all ~ you are all visible and exposed.

Love heals and righting the wrongs heal ~ not deliverance by professional amateur’s ~ and not by creating events within events ~ whereby you try to eject the inflicted hurts that were enforced badly (and not by God’s Love) in the first place.

Heal yourselves!

Sadly I saw more naval-gazing, more shattered, close-minded, fundamental, fearful of the world catholics (on my dinner table this weekend alone) than I have ever known in one place at once before now.  People fearful of Harry Potter Stories ~ of herbs and herbal teas and remedies ~ of aromatherapy and homeopathy (where do they think modern medicines and immunization comes from?) ~ fearful of Yoga ~ of Halloween ~ and fearful of gay people.  (Get real).

Live in the real world ~ Halloween and All Saints Eve are about benignly and reverently celebrating the thinness of the veil between death and life,  Secular and Christian style ~ We know that the old festivals are renewed in the new ~ Well I do at least! ~ Christian festivals built over the old pagan festivals.  Pagan simply meaning people of the earth!

Jesus was sent by God ~ The Gospels fulfill the Old Testament in the same way, to lead the way for a better existence for all.

And yet I saw people having fear drummed up in them about oppressions and possessions and exorcisms and demonic spirits ~ fear of forms of fitness, and other riches from other cultures for health benefits, even without the spirituality.  We should be learning from others, not being fearful of them and judgemental, but valuing their insights and respecting their customs, and only then sharing our own riches, with Love and respect for theirs.

When we cry because things hurt deeply, we have shortness of breath before we let it all out.  We sometimes breathe faster and our body tries to hold it all inside ~ and then the pent-up breath and tears burst out in choked up sadness. ~ Thats not people being cleansed or rid of evil spirits, that is just using ancient language (as Ignatius did) for letting go of strong emotions, negative or positive.  A spirit of desolation or consolation. I can not believe another retreatant (a fully grown woman) whose was so brain washed with fear-of-life-twaddle, was perturbed that her daughters both suffered with anorexia and had problems growing up.  With such a fearful mother it’s no wonder.  A Charismatic who is so caught up in the fear presented to her, that she can’t see beyond her fearful prejudices ~ the True Love of God.   I pray for her.

We were asked to forgive those who have hurt us ~ I already had long before I even went to Micklepage, where I did it formally (out loud) in the chapel ~ alone just God and me at 6.00 am ~ where I named the offence and I named the offenders ~ and then I asked God to fill them with my Love and Peace.

But forgiveness doesn’t take away the hurt ~ the sorrow ~ the pain ~ the rawness re-opened ~ or the tears.  Only kindness and being welcomed back to the Eucharist at the Mother Temple (however difficult) will transform that hurt inflicted, in the presence of the person who inflicted it (whom I forgive, and will always Love in God).  Something which is unlikely to happen ~ however much we pray ~ Because it was not of Gods nature, but of flawed failable human hierarchical nature ~ When Jesus’s example of forgiveness, understanding and love of the gentlest kind, was all that was required.

~~~~~~~

I later return in contemplation to Micklepage to the gardeners who came to mow the lawn, who were careful enough to mow around the mushrooms, which were poised like natural fairy fonts, so the water which had been naturally collected (in the hollowed tops) could quench the thirst of the wildlife ~ and right there in the moment, I see the beautiful Love of humanity and divinity, of man and God.  I see  the wonder of waterlilies opening for one day only ~ I see the preciousness of Gods miracle creation, and I hear the beautiful genuine faithful Foyer women saying “Jesus might of said ‘shake the dust from your sandals’, but he never said after you’ve shaken the dust off, don’t go back there again!”

Marvelous!

I feel salt crystals in the heat ~ and find a tea-light candle ‘appear’ from nowhere besides the manger-altar (when I had already looked several times in the chapel for candles and there were none)  just so that I could light a personal candle, and place it in prayer before Christs feet at the crucifix, for the forgiveness of all those who have hurt me, and in asking pardon for when my own lack of care has hurt other souls.  Miracle tea-light appears randomly on the floor in the sanctuary next to the altar, for that very blessing ~ and I feel God’s presence magnified once again.  Why would there be a random tea-light candle on the floor by the altar at Micklepage, when tea-lights hadn’t been used in services before that day?  ~ Only later in the week they would be lit.

I see kindness and Love when people’s hearts are broken in to little pieces, and others reach out to touch because in the silence that is all that can be done ~ and that touch is all that is required.  And time passes ~ and we grow older ~ and we grow wiser ~ and we KNOW that God is Love.  Not crap ~ Not hurt ~ Not spite ~ not fear ~ I Am fearful of nothing (other than the liminal feeling of powerlessness that renders us helpless when Loved ones and others are dying before our very eyes, and there’s nothing we can do ~ and even then Supernatural Love takes over ~ and suddenly All fear is transformed in LOVE.

“Remain in my love”

I will Forever.

But do me a favour please My Lord ~ I pray ~ Do not let any of the walking ego’s forge any responsibility, or praise, or any accolade, or delight from their believed deliverance, when You Alone already made me radiant ~ by my birth ~ by my Joy ~ by my Faith ~ by my Love ~ by my character ~ Because I was born that way ~ before they even met me, just like it says in the character reports, written by the 4 witnesses in the annulment interviews. Dear God ~ You alone know!  That was innate in me before now.   That has always been there ~ and it shines out even when the wounds are hurting and the heart is broken ~ and it shines brightest still from my body soul and spirit ~  because I LOVE.

Being in My temple ~ recieving the Eucharist ~ sharing talks ~ contemplating ~ sharing my writing ~ Praying Mass (as I know and Love it)  and the way of Love . . .  is my way. And when I Am Fully welcome back in my diocese, by those whom I love, then that alone is the day that I return to a renewed Church.

I Love You God with my whole heart  ~   but the rest of the crap I Am done with!

I Love you.

Amen x

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About mags

Beloved apostle of His Soul x
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