T’is November. Its cold. Dark. Wet. And the bones are chilled.
This whole 1/2 term is the hardest one in so many ways. Everybody wants a little more than there is to give. October sees a whole run of birthdays up to Christmas, that makes me remember that once upon a time spring was filled with Light. No more do I feel the darkness darker than after reading Lord Sacks beautiful speech today for the opening of the vatican conference on family. You can read the speech in full here; It is beautiful.
The Light is diminished.
The sadness is palpable – I can taste it. It swallows me whole.
The school today was told it has a Ofsted inspection tomorrow. Everyone is flitting around like little superheros making a nice little school appear spectacular. R included. He is the Governor who is being interviewed by the inspectors. I held no prisoners when I said to him that I think what you all do is wrong. He spent hours today pulling out the filed paperwork on everything the school has achieved over the past so long, so that the best possible side of the school, by him, is shown – but who will raise the points about the things which need raising, which the Governors discuss on other days? It’s a farce. They should come into the school and see it as it really is – unprepared – working – being real – and not as everyone pretends it is for one day.
R whom they are interviewing, is the very same Governor whose youngest daughter went into her reception class and told the teachers that the police came to our home for Mummy last night.
Now our daughter is in year 2, and not once did that same Governor, the daddy of my little girl, go to the school and explain to the teachers the circumstances. Their looks upon me at the time were difficult to face, but I held my head up – and my eyes full of anguish ‘confirmed’ their thoughts. I have spent the last 2 years going round to that little school, with all the teachers believing that I committed a crime – and I have lived with that ever since – every single day in silence.
And not once did the man who I am married to – the man who betrayed me – the school Governor who intimately knows the head teacher and all the other teachers and Governors – put right the wrong. No.
And today I read Lord Sacks Speech, and I long for God to take me away from all that is hurting – and from all that is ruined.
And fill me once again with Light