It is not good enough ~ that 3 hits have just been recorded in my stats page on the old magsmuse ‘I Confess’ blog post ~ almost instantaneously to me having left a comment on the Jericho Tree blog, about women so often being portrayed as the fallen ones.
The hits were left as if to concrete and reinforce a view of me as a proven fallen woman ~ by who?
Oh how I so wish that those people who hit on my blog were in my first ever confession.
How wrong you are!
The Catholic Church enforced that I lived within my marriage of 9 years as brother and sister (by denying my reception into the church; unless I stopped my physical relationship with my second husband) ~ thus leaving me with the impossible choice of being permanently separated in faith from my children, or choosing the church over my marriage.
I took the only option that any mother true to her children could take ~ and paid the ransom with my marriage.
Thus I united my suffering to Christ’s ~ only He gave His life as a ransom for mine.
And then as if by grace ~ in my absolute lonely sexually repressed desire ~ God granted me spiritual blessings and awakenings ~ that I never ever knew of before.
This is no sin.
Read St Teresa of Avila ~ read any of the other mystics male or female ~ where people who were denied and whose sexuality was repressed, were so graced when they learnt to read the braille of their soul in a new light. A new prayer. Heightened spirituality ~ Sensual prayer arousing the soul to a new level. Absolutely previously unbeknownst to me. And then when I discovered the Spanish Mystics writings ~ suddenly I felt (in this new belovedness) never quite so alone ever again.
This is no sin.
Although I thought it was at first ~ and so I confessed it right here. I confess https://magsmuse.wordpress.com/2013/03/18/i-confess-2/
And ever since, every time I post a comment ~ or a blog entry ~ or a face book post, I have an ‘array of people’ supposedly from all countries, responding to my words either by directly hitting on one of my own corresponding ‘relevant’ blogs ~ else by a more indirect response ~ by words filtering into the periphery of my broader communications. You read the blog or the ‘communication’ through, and there it is, the message the person is trying to instill ~ in direct correlation and response to my original posting, and in precise timing.
And I can see it All.
I am a perceptive and bright person ~ and through prayer I have learnt to be intimately tuned in to God and Love. ~ This I know for sure. I know that my heart is Good and Honest and True ~ And thanks be to God, because of this I can quite often paradoxically and transparently see people feigning ‘authentic friendship’ ~ concealing their actual purpose ~ which is purely to influence or intercept me in mine, by manipulating me in a sometimes subliminal ~ sometimes direct ~ sometimes indirect ~ and most often non-transparent way ~ with their own mission. However in the discernment of Spirits ~ I can feel and see your deceptions ~ and I feel sad for the Church. And I remain (on my part) in truly authentic friendship with you ~ because it is the Holy Spirit that inspires me so ~ and because it is God that calls me to Love authentically.
The Holy Spirit is far greater than man and his deceptive deeds.
I have never in my entire lifetime been physically unfaithful with another human being.
I wish I was.
I have Loved another human being. Deeply in God. In fact it is the only human being I have ever Loved so deeply in God, in my entire life-time, that isn’t a blood relative ~ and I have been above-board and honest before God about this Love ~ because He calls me to be so. For to have lied ~ and to have denied God His Truth ~ truly would have been a sin.
But I did not sin.
I was True to God.
And ever since ~ undercover ~ in the dark ~ where no one else can see ~ I have been continuously persecuted for being Truth ~ by more than one person intercepting and thwarting my authentic communications ~ in more ways than one.
Well ~ maybe now ~ you should all bring yourselves out into the Light ~ by the name that God calls you by ~ and in integrity and honesty have an above board conversation, whereby your unjustified persecutions and misperceptions of me can be fully had out ~ In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. †
And if not then I challenge you to finally lay down your gauntlet of darkness, and your campaign to continuously hurt me ~ by continuously trying to destabilise me ~ by continually (under disguise) declaring belovedness one minute ~ homosexuality the next ~ and celibacy the next ~ via my stats page ~ via the google search engine terms ~ via other postings ~ mock friendships ~ and Facebook.
It will not work. God Loves me.
God Loves us both regardless.
I pray for you All ~ and for your corrupt behaviour ~ Reform in the name of God †
Yours In Love ~ mags †